A. Prevention Checklist: Am I at risk of experiencing GBV?

Acknowledgement that GBV can happen anywhere and can be committed by anyone is the first step towards safety. This does not mean to normalize GBV culture nor we are suggesting that “you have to adjust” but as long as GBV is pervasive despite an array of national policies to address GBV, we would continue to raise awareness on how to protect oneself from GBV until we can fully exercise our safety rights.

As we still lack legislative national policy to protect the LGBTQ+ community and until people are not aware of their perpetuating practices, we should worry about our safety. It can also be difficult to react and think during a crisis situation. Abusers use power and control and having a safety plan is to have control of the situation.

Hence, the following are checklists you can use and remember to help assess your situation wherever you are:

At home

• "I feel afraid or anxious in the vicinity of my home."

• "I question my own safety at home."

• "I withhold myself from speaking in fear of saying the wrong thing."

• "I avoid talking about certain topics in fear of angering someone at home."

• "I count the number of minutes or hours that I am away from home."

• “I make sure that I am at home before a certain person.”

• “I panic when I think that I am running late and a certain person comes home before me, in fear of getting punished.”

• “I find myself physically flinching or moving away when someone raises their voice.”

• “I find myself having a hard time saying “No” in fear of being punished for doing so.”

• “I have been physically hit but believe that it was my fault and I deserved it.”

• “I find myself in a situation that I do not want to be in, but was coerced to be in out of obligation or heavy expectations.”

• “I feel anxious when I recognize familiar footsteps or noises made that are similar to that of the perpetrator.”

In school

• "I feel uncomfortable expressing myself within the institution."

• "I am unable to interact with other people without the fear of being bullied or outcasted."

• "I am unable to freely roam around the vicinity of the institution without the fear of experiencing an act of violence."

• "I feel uncomfortable walking around the campus in fear of being mocked or harassed by anyone from the community."

• "Teaching professionals or any person in authority has intimidated me or used their position and age on me to force me to do things."

• "I fear that teachers, staff, administrators and students will misgender or deadname me."

• "I am uncomfortable commuting and using public transport vehicles such as IKOT/TOKI."

In public places

• "I feel unsafe enough to go on walks in public places whatever the time of the day is."

• "I am not okay with the idea of having to go somewhere alone or without any sort of company."

• "I doubt my safety whenever I travel alone– i.e. public transportation– in fear of being harassed or attacked."

• "I feel greatly agitated when I walk down an alley and there are almost no one around except for a few others."

• "I am not allowed to enter an establishment– school, clinic, office, hospital, bar, restaurant or any public place– just because I present myself differently from societal norms and expectations."

• "There are times when I feel creeped out by someone I am not close with after being complimented in a public place, regardless of the situation."

• "I change how I dress when I go out of my safe space in fear of being harassed or assaulted."

• "I feel confused/stiff/awkward/embarrassed when someone I am not familiar/am familiar with constantly touches the body parts I consider as personal."

• "Touching my waist when talking/resting their hand on my waist despite my discomfort."

• "Running their hands on my arms when speaking to them."

• "Rubbing my knees/thighs in any transportation vehicle/public establishment despite not consenting."

• "I feel unsafe when I do not have self-defense items in my possession when in public."

Online

• "I feel uncomfortable seeing contents against SOGIE on my newsfeed/timeline."

• "I have “friends”/”followers” who send me their private parts even if I do not consent to them."

• "I have received threats of violence– physical, verbal, sexual, socio-economic– from strangers online that are mostly based on my SOGIE."

• "I have received threats of violence– physical, verbal, sexual, socio-economic– from people I know online that are mostly based on my SOGIE."

• "I am uncomfortable expressing myself online because of fear of judgment."

• "I feel unsafe that people use deepfake applications to edit in a person’s face inside a sexual photograph and video for sexual motives."

In relationships

*NOTE: When you are a minor and the perpetrator is an adult, you need to remember that although some of these things could be done or said with no ill intent, these should still be taken with a grain of salt.

• "This person (teacher, coach, etc.) asked me to stop saying “opo” and to address this person via first name basis together with all the actions below: (Sinabi sa akin ng aking guro/coach/nakatatandang kakilala na huwag na akong mag-”opo” sa kaniya at magtawagan na lamang gamit ang aming unang pangalan. Kalakip nito ay ang iba pang sumusuonod na gawain:)"

• "This person is inappropriately showering me with gifts."

• "This person is always being inappropriately touchy whenever we meet."

• "I was convinced that this person is the only one who can understand me."

• "I was convinced that this person is the only one who can meet my needs."

• "I was made to believe that this person is the only one who can give me that kind of love."

• "I was made to believe that our relationship should be a secret."

• "I was made to believe that touching our “secret places” is proof of our love."

• "The person I am with made me believe that the concern of those around me are their ways to “destroy” our relationship as a couple."

B. Prevention Checklist: What Should I do?

We may not have any control of the perpetrator’s violence but you have the control over how you respond to ensure your safety. Here are some tips for prevention and during a GBV incident (adapted from YWCA Domestic Violence Intervention and Prevention Program, n.d.).

Prevention from GBV

• "I will note warning signs of abuse."

• "I will create an emergency bag that includes money, water, some food, and clothes. I will include important documents and leave them with a friend/family or hidden somewhere in my home/work."

• "I will have a whistle always with me to alert someone to help me."

• "I will learn emergency hand code and share it with my family and friends."

• "Like any emergency situation, I will also practice or do some escape drills in order to get out of the house/work/school safely."

• "I will check with my barangay/office/school what services they have for Gender-Based Violence."

• "Aside from the Barangay, I will locate the police station near my school/work and house."

• "I will prepare a list of hotline numbers for the GBV emergency."

• "I will assign the first five numbers in my phone book for GBV emergency numbers."

• "I will make sure my phone is charged and always near me."

• "I will see to it the locks are working properly."

At Home During a Violent Incident

• "I will use my judgment and intuition to avoid danger."

• "If tension is building up, avoid areas where there are weapons such as the kitchen."

• "To calm my abuser, I will not resist until I am able to secure help."

• "I will get my emergency bag, phone and get out of the house as planned."

• "I will come to the nearest safe place identified."

In school

• "I will secure the help of a school authority I can trust."

• "If the perpetrator is someone I personally know, I will ask someone to accompany me all the time."

• "I will take different routes rather than the same route every time."

• "I will be vigilant when I am alone."

Public Places

• "I will have emergency/self-defense tools with me every time I go out just in case something happens."

• "I will share the tracking link to transport vehicles or a live location of where I am with my family/friends for safety purposes."

• "I will be actively aware and cautious of my surroundings."

• "I will get the attention of the public if I feel unsafe."

Online

• "I will make sure I am the only one who knows my username and password."

• "I will ensure that my password is changed regularly."

• "I will make sure that my phone has a lock code."

• "I will not share any photos that will endanger me in the future."

• "I will make sure that sensitive documents are encrypted to prevent unauthorized access."

• "I will be careful with the websites and links that I go to or click."

• "I will consider a lot of things before posting things like pictures, videos, and such."

• "I will not share my personal information anywhere."

• "I will enable two-factor authentication if it is an option available to me."

• "When I talk to someone new online, I will make sure to get to know them properly first."

In dating

• If I will drink, I will make sure that:

• "I will be holding my drink all the time."

• “If it is possible, I will order a drink in a bottle as it is more difficult to spike.”

• "If I am drinking from a bottle, I will make sure my thumb is over the opening."

• "I would make sure that my drinks would not be left unattended like during toilet breaks."

• "I will not share or exchange drinks."

• "I will not accept drinks from someone I do not know even if it is flattering or free."

• If I feel drowsy/dizzy and that my drink has been spiked:

• "I will immediately inform a friend/family member/security staff."

• "I will keep it as evidence."

• "If I already feel unwell, I will ask someone safe to bring me to the hospital and ask for a blood or urine test."

• If I will go on a date with someone I do not really know, I will:

• "I will inform a friend or a family member of my whereabouts."

• "I will take a picture of us and send it to a friend or family to avoid being denied by the perpetrator."

• "I will ask for an ID to check the person’s identity."

• "I will not give too much information about myself."

• "I will make sure I have a plan on how I will get myself home."

• "I will make sure I will not put myself in uncomfortable situations, such as around locations or people that make me feel unsafe and not secure."

Helpful items

Safety planning includes helpful items that can help you escape an abusive situation. Here’s a guide:

• A way to defend yourself

• Siren/Safety alarm

• Alcohol spray/Pepper spray

• Keys

• Self-defense keychain kit

• Portable safety door latch when you are alone at a hotel, AirBnB, dorm

• A way to communicate

• Phone

• A way to get by

• Money

• Medication

• Pain relievers

• First-aid kit

• Identification/Documents

• Birth certificate

• Marriage certificate

• IDs

• Pagibig, Philhealth, SSS/GSIS IDs or identification documents

• Bank account details

• Items to help you cope

These are available gadget to protect yourself from GBV perpetrators:

• CCTV camera

Self-Defense Strategies

Before and even when already faced with the potential threat of gender-based violence, you should know the vulnerable human body parts you could hit to render the perpetrator hurt, and give you more time to escape from them.

1. Heel – palm strike 
2. Eye strike 
3. Knee strike 
4. Elbow straight punch 
5. Side elbow
6. Low elbow
7. Bear hug escape 
8. Hammer strike 

Note: It is advisable to be vigilant wherever you go, and to also be observant of your surroundings even before the confrontation happens– e.g. physical harm/violence and sexual assault; try to get away as soon as possible, in the best that you can, when you feel that something is amiss. Self-defense strategies are ways for us to escape from the GBV situation, and not ways to get back at the perpetrator.

C. Prevention Checklist: Am I at risk of perpetrating GBV?

My attitude

• "Do I overemphasize hypermasculinity/hegemonic masculinity (machismo) ideals such as:

• "I believe that men are superior than others or have a higher status than those of the other sex and gender"

• "I believe that as a man, it is acceptable to be hostile or it is compulsory to be notorious."

• "I believe that to be masculine, I have to reject femininity and be aggressive toward males who show femininity"

• "Making sexist remarks like, ‘Kalalaki mong tao, iyakin ka naman’ to never show weakness."

• "Ba’t ang hilig mo sa pink? Bakla ka siguro, ‘no? Sayang ka naman."

• "Wala akong [anak/kapatid/kaibigan] na lalaki na lalampa-lampa kung kumilos."

• "I believe that being part of the LGBTQ is a threat to my masculinity."

• "I believe that my patriarchal power is tantamount to having sexual privileges."

• “Making remarks such as, ‘Ang mga lalaki, dapat pinagsisilbihan; ang mga babae, dapat binibigay ang gusto ng lalaki.’

• “Making joking remarks/jabs like, ‘Sa lahat ng mga ginagawa ko para sa jowa ko, ni hindi mo man lang ako mapagbigyan [sexual request].’”

• "I believe that my profession (police/soldier/patrol/guards) is an accepted ‘legitimate violence’"

• "I believe that my position at work/class/organization is a good enough reason to yell at my people, especially those who use lame excuses such as dysmenorrhea, pregnancy, etc. not to work well or to be absent."

• "I believe that my position at work/class/organization guarantees that all of my workers will do what I tell them to do even requests that are sexual in nature."

• "I believe that courses and careers are divided by the gender binary– men should stick with the male courses and work, and women should stick with female ones."

• “Mag-[stereotypical ‘female’ courses such as nursing, education, tourism] ka na lang tutal babae ka.” or “Pang-lalaki lang ang kursong ito, hindi pwede sa mga babae o bakla.”

• "I believe that victims are, to some extent, at fault for what has happened to them."

• Giving insensitive remarks about the survivor such as, “Bakit ka ba kasi nakipag-inuman, ‘e alam mo namang babae ka.” or “Ginusto mo naman ‘yan. Imposibleng hindi.”

• Humiliating others like, “Bakit hindi mo aminin sa harap ng mga tao rito na ginusto mo rin naman ang nangyari?” or other nonverbal behaviors that are meant to embarass or shame the survivor.

• "I believe that it is normal to make women, and LGBTQ individuals the center of the joke/specific remarks."

• “Believing that it is okay to make fun of how people express themselves— dress, speak, etc.— because ‘it’s just a joke.’”

• “Asking someone their body count to get a few laughs from other people around me”.

• "I believe that female, feminine-presenting males, LGBTQ individuals are less fit to work than masculine and cis-gender men."

• "I believe that men are more deserving of promotions than women and LGBTQ individuals."

• "I believe that men deserve more benefits than women for the gravity of their work."

• "I judge another girl for not acting like a girl."

• "As a female, I go out of my way to impress boys and make them believe I am not like the other girls."

• “As a female, I utter comments that are self-deprecating like, ‘Women are bad at Math,’ and ‘you are such a sissy’ to another female.”

• "I believe that other women are my competition in some particular parts of my life such as in relationships, work, family affections, attention, etc."

• "I believe that women who do make-up, polish their nails, and pay too much attention to how they look or what they are wearing are shallow and conceited."

My relationships

• "Do I overemphasize hypermasculinity/hegemonic masculinity (machismo) ideals such as:"

• “I believe that as a real man, I have to take charge and be authoritative/autocratic in a relationship.”

• “Ako ang lalaki, kaya ako ang masusunod kung hindi malilintikan ka sa akin.” or “Ako ang asawa mo, ako ang nagbibigay sa’yo ng mga kailangan at gusto mo. The least you could do is to give yourself to me, or else.”

• "I believe that as a man I should gain control, power and respect."

• Threats such as, “Sige, papatayin ko ang sarili ko kapag hiniwalayan mo ako!”

• "I believe that at home, I have the privileges of being served like a king."

• Getting extremely mad or upset over not being immediately served or obeyed such as in this: “‘Di ba ang sabi ko sa iyo, buksan mo agad ang gate bago pa ako dumating? E ba’t inuna mo pa ‘yang trabaho mo kaysa sa akin?”

• "I believe that I am entitled to sexual pleasure."

• Blackmailing, similar in this situation “Huwag kang umiyak, kung hindi sasabihin ko sa nanay mo na ikaw ang nag-aya sa aking makipagtalik”

• “Tigilan mo na ‘yang pagpapakipot mo kasi dito rin naman mapupunta ‘to."

• "Rubbing my partner’s genitals in front of other people even if I did not ask them for their consent– whether at home, in public or private vehicles, or streets, schools/universities, or offices, etc– because it makes sex better."

• "I have a belief that I have to channel my emotions into anger, so if I am jealous I have the right to express my anger violently."

• "I believe that as my partner and I are in a relationship, I can punish them if they ever defy me."

• "I sometimes neglect my partner or my child to teach, hurt or retaliate against them."

• "I believe that gaslighting my partner or friends is a way to show my dominance over them or is a way to keep them by my side because I love them."

• "I trivialize what my partner feels or experiences after an argument such as, ‘Hindi naman kasi kita sasaktan kung wala kang ginawang kasalanan. Alam mo namang mahal kita, ‘di ba?’

• "I withhold information like in this scenario: "Tama na ‘yang pagtatalak mo, nililito mo lang ako."

• "I believe that controlling my partner on how they dress and act is a way to keep them safe from people’s wandering eyes and hands."

• "I control their decision, relationships and overall life– subtly or explicitly– of my partner/child/sibling out of love and concern for them."

• "I do not allow my partner to wear revealing clothes in the public because their body is only for me to see."

• "I do not allow my child/friends/siblings to wear clothes that are of the 'opposite sex'."

• "I do not allow my partner to talk with other people because their time is my time."

• "I do not allow my partner to meet with their friends too much because I get a tad bit jealous."

• "I choose not to use the preferred pronoun of my partner/child/relative/friend/student nor their lived/preferred name."

• "I do not allow my partner to spend their money on other people"

• "When I feel that my partner is not spending enough time with me because of their work, or has made me incredibly mad over their behavior, I deliberately make them sick or hurt in order not to work/not to find work/not to be fit for work."

D. Prevention Checklist: Am I at risk of or already serving as an Accessory?

• "As a person in authority in my college/department/office/student organization, I conceal GBV cases or just deal with sexual harassment within so as not to tarnish the reputation of the college/department/office/organization."

• "Thinking that my friend/acquaintance– perpetrator– did is acceptable, hence, I helped."

• "I helped the perpetrator in gathering substances that would leave the survivors unable to resist or fight."

• “My friend/family member committed GBV and I concealed it during an investigation.”

• "I schemed with the perpetrator to keep pieces of evidence of the abuse hidden."

• "I sided with the perpetrator because of financial or similar gains."

• "I created an intimidating, hostile, unwanted, or degrading environment to the person who disclosed an allegation of GBV against my friend/partner/boss."

• "I laugh and make jokes/sexist remarks/insensitive statements with the perpetrator about the survivor."

• "I provide the needed materials to harass people based on their SOGIE."

• "I provided financial support for the perpetrator to escape."

• "I provided the perpetrator/s a place to rest or hide because you are their relative/friend/partner."

• "I sided with the relative who cheated on their partner with somebody else."

Prevention Checklist

1. Am I at risk of or already acting as a Passive Bystander?

• "I opt to just go straight to my class/work even if I see someone being harassed."

• "I always tell people not to meddle in others’ businesses even if it means not helping someone who asked for GBV-related assistance."

• "I am afraid to meddle even if someone asked me to help because I do not want to be linked to any issue/problem."

• "I do not help in witnessing for a GBV survivor due to the fact that there are already many people who witnessed for them– adding what I saw would not be of much effect to the case."

• "I believe that someone else will help the survivor even if it isn’t me."

2. How to become a prosocial bystander?

• Call in/out the act of GBV. By calling in/out the act, we bring attention to the GBV situation and pressure the perpetrator to stop.

• “Do you hear what I hear? That sounds sexist and it is not okay.”

• Intervene an act of GBV without compromising my safety.

• “Stop hitting the person, the SSB/UPDP is on their way.”

• Knowing GBV psychological first-aid, assure the survivor that it is not their fault and UP Diliman have post-GBV services.

• Answer questions related to the witnessed gender-based violence.

• Report the situation to an authority figure.

• Assist the survivor in making a statement about the GBV.

• Assist the survivor in asking for help or assistance from responders.

• Assist in seeking psychological services for the survivor.

• Assist in seeking psychological services for the perpetrator to manage their violent tendencies/actions/behaviors.

To read and understand more about these acts of gender-based violence, you may access this:

GBV Prevention & Response Materials