Understanding the reasons why I reacted that way

When faced with gender-based violence (GBV), individuals may experience one or more trauma responses as their brain and body react to perceived danger. These responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—are survival mechanisms designed to protect the individual, but they may also leave survivors questioning their actions or inactions during or after the event.

A. Responses

Fight

The fight response is our body’s physical reaction to a perceived danger that our brain believes we can confront. This response prompts us to actively resist the threat, often manifesting as physical actions or intense emotions. In the context of GBV, a fight response may include attempts to defend oneself, such as

• pushing,

• kicking, or

• yelling at the perpetrator.

Physical signs include a tense jaw, clenched fists, tension in the stomach, or an overwhelming desire to resist or retaliate. While this response can be empowering, survivors may also feel guilt or self-doubt if their resistance was not enough to stop the abuse (Taylor, 2022).

Flight

Flight represents a physical reaction where the brain assesses the threat as overwhelming and beyond our ability to confront. In GBV situations, this response may involve attempts to escape or flee from the danger (Taylor, 2022; Rape Crisis, n.d.) such as

• running away from the perpetrator or

• avoiding certain places to reduce the risk of encountering them.

Physical signs of flight include restlessness, tension, darting eyes, and a constant urge to move. Survivors may experience shame for choosing to flee, but it is important to recognize this as a natural and valid survival response (Taylor, 2022).

Freeze

The freeze response is characterized by immobilization when the brain determines that neither confrontation nor escape is possible. Survivors of GBV may find themselves

• unable to move or

• speak during the incident,

• feeling paralyzed by fear.

This reaction is the body’s way of minimizing harm by “playing dead” or blending into the background. Unfortunately, survivors who freeze may later struggle with feelings of guilt or self-blame, questioning why they didn’t fight back or run away. It is essential to understand that freezing is an involuntary and protective response (Taylor, 2022).

Fawn

The fawn response involves attempting to pacify or appease the perpetrator to reduce the threat of further harm. In GBV situations, this may look like

• being overly agreeable,

• submissive, or

• even complying with the perpetrator’s demands.

For many, the fawn response is rooted in learned behavior from past trauma, such as childhood experiences of abuse or neglect. Survivors may feel conflicted or ashamed for “giving in,” but it is vital to acknowledge that this response is a survival mechanism aimed at minimizing harm (Marschall, 2023).

Recognizing that these reactions are trauma responses can help reduce self-blame, foster self-compassion, and support your journey toward healing. Remember, your responses were not choices but instinctive survival mechanisms. If you feel the need to further process your experiences and emotions, you can access counseling through the resources provided in this link.

B. Understanding Feelings

This toolkit delves into the topic of feelings because emotions are at the core of how individuals process and navigate their experiences, especially those related to gender-based violence (GBV). Recognizing and validating feelings is a crucial first step toward healing, empowerment, and taking action. Feelings not only help us identify when boundaries have been crossed but also provide insight into the impact of such experiences on our mental and emotional well-being.

For those on the receiving end of GBV, understanding their feelings can clarify the reality of their experiences, reduce self-blame, and foster self-compassion. For witnesses, reflecting on their emotions can motivate meaningful support and advocacy for survivors. Acknowledging these feelings, whether they are confusion, fear, anger, or helplessness, creates space for awareness, understanding, and ultimately change. By addressing these emotions, this toolkit aims to equip readers with the language and perspective needed to process their experiences and support others effectively.

What am I feeling?

For people who might or might not have been aware that they were or are on the receiving end of GBV, the following feelings and thoughts might have been experienced:

• "I am confused. Did that really happen to me?"

• "I am afraid of what my partner will do to me in bed."

• "I froze in fear after the other person touched me."

• "I froze in fear as the other person threatened to harm my dignity."

• "I felt pitiful because of what has happened to me."

• "I felt pity for the perpetrator because their past was not bright and might have been a factor behind their behavior toward me/others."

• "I believe that the world is unfair for letting me experience GBV."

• "I felt ashamed that someone was able to talk about me sexually without my consent."

• "I felt ashamed that someone was able to intimately touch me sexually without my consent."

• "I got ashamed that someone was able to flash themselves in front of me because I let my guard down."

• "I felt disgusted with myself after the act of GBV happened."

• "I felt angry with how someone misgendered me."

• "I felt angry that someone disrespected me by not using my pronouns."

• "I felt angry with the one who perpetrated the act of GBV."

• "I feel conflicted whether to report the perpetrator because they are someone whom I love."

• "I feel conflicted whether to report the perpetrator because they are someone whom people look up to and respect."

• "I feel conflicted whether to report the perpetrator because they are my boss."

Meanwhile, people who have witnessed instances of GBV, might have been felt the following:

• "I felt as if the world is unfair for allowing the survivor to experience GBV."

• "I got angry after I found out about the GBV that took place against someone I know."

• "I froze in fear when I thought that what happened to the survivor might also happen to me."

• "I felt very compelled to help the survivor report the perpetrator."

• "I felt compelled to correct someone who makes insensitive remarks about someone because of their SOGIE."

• "I thought of how there might be other survivors of GBV hence I am now sharing information about GBV and the services available to address it."

• "I felt nervous to file a report on behalf of the GBV survivor because I think the perpetrator or their accomplice will retaliate against me."

• "I got afraid to file a report because I did not want my name to be linked with the case."

• "I thought that reporting a GBV case to an authority will be a hassle to my schedule."

For people who have been on the receiving end of GBV and were not able to find a way out or escape, the following feelings and thoughts might have been experienced:

• "I felt as though I was helpless in the situation hence I was not able to fight them."

• "I wanted to leave but I am scared of what may happen to my children if I leave."

• "I am disappointed with myself that I am still not able to report them to the authorities."

• "I don’t have money and where should I stay?"

• "Where can I seek help without people talking behind my back?"

• "Who can I tell what happened to me without being blamed and mocked?"

Note: Those stated above are answers gathered from the interviews conducted by the current toolkit’s authors.

To read and understand more about these acts of gender-based violence, you may access this:

GBV Prevention & Response Materials