Am I experiencing Psychological GBV?

Psychological violence harms someone’s’ “integrity and dignity” using various ways such as keeping them away from their families and friends, isolating them, disinformation the victims, manipulating the victims and the like (Council of Europe, n.d.d).

Emotional infidelity

Involves having an emotional attachment with someone outside the committed relationship with one’s partner, whether or not it involves a sexual relationship (Proulx, 2020; Morrissey et al., 2018).

• "I am physically/sexually loyal to your partner but at the same time, I feel emotionally connected with another person."

• “My partner said that they are falling in love with another person.”

Threats

• “Being threatened by my partner or ex-partner, ‘Sige, magpapakamatay ako kapag hiniwalayan mo ako!’”

• "Being told as a queer child, 'Palalayasin kita kapag hindi ka pa titino.'"

Blackmail

“I have met someone who knows my information and vulnerability, and uses them to pressure and manipulate me into committing acts that do not align with my values nor desires.”

• “I-promote mo ang anak ko para hindi ko ipangalat na bakla/tomboy/trans ka.”

• “Ipagkakalat ko ang mga [malalaswang] larawan mo kapag hindi mo ako pinagbigyan.”

Gaslighting

• "I was made to appear as if I or someone I know is “crazy”, making me or them feel or think differently from the truth."

Trivializing technique

This is used to downplay your concerns, feelings and experiences, often with the intent of minimizing it to “trivial” matters.

• “Hindi naman kasi kita sasaktan kung wala kang ginawang kasalanan. Alam mo namang mahal kita, ‘di ba?”

• “How dare you not sleep with me when we are in a relationship and relationships should go like this?”; or being “punished” out of love and concern

Withholding tactics

These are done to dismiss you or your effort to communicate and talk about certain matters concerning both of you or their actions (Raypole, 2022; Huizen, 2024).

• “Tama na ‘yang pagtatalak mo, nililito mo lang ako.”

Denial

This happens when they claim to forget or not do what you have mentioned they’ve done (Raypole, 2022; Huizen, 2024).

• “Hindi ko ginawa ‘yun. Hindi totoo ‘yang paratang mo.”

• “Wala akong maalala na sinabi ko ‘yun against you. Alam mo ako, hindi ako ganoon.”

Countering

This is done to make you think that you remember things wrongly– removing or adding details that were or were not there in the first place, or confusing you deliberately (Raypole, 2022; Huizen, 2024).

• “Nalilito ka na naman. Hindi ko ‘yan sinabi/ginawa sa iyo.”

• “Everyone knows that what you are accusing me did not happen. ‘Di ba they were all there, honey?”

• “I was made to believe that I met each other under a circumstance that is different from the truth.”

Diversion

This is the way perpetrators change the topic of conversation when you open up about a specific concern, and at some point, will also accuse you of making things up (Raypole, 2022; Huizen, 2024).

• "Kapag sinasabi ko na pakiramdam ko hindi siya tapat, sasabihin niya, ‘Bakit ba parati mong iniisip ‘yan? Hindi mo ba naaalala nung last time na mali ka rin?’ Tapos biglang magbabago ang usapan sa ibang bagay."

Discrediting

This is done when perpetrators tell other people of your “tendencies” to get things wrong, forget important information or make something up (Raypole, 2022; Huizen, 2024).

• “Naku, itong asawa ko kasi, kung anu-ano ang mga iniisip. Alam niyo naman tendencies niya. To make things clear, hindi totoo ‘yung nakita niya akong may kasamang iba.”

Stereotyping

Gaslighting in the form of stereotyping also occurs when a person deliberately uses negative stereotypes to discourage you or someone else from reaching out for help or filing reports (Huizen, 2024).

• "Babae ka nga naman, masyado kang emosyonal. Kaya hindi ka dapat seryosohin. Imposible naman talaga na tama ka sa sinasabi mo."

Intimidation at Work

Due to one’s SOGIESC, one can become the target for further intimidation and hostility, also happening at work. The following are examples of such acts:

• Threats

• Hostile treatment

• Sabotage

• Credit-grabbing

• Fluctuating standards

Manipulation

• “Someone gained my sympathy and trust by pretending to be good or deceiving me into complying with their desires. It also involves the use of reinforcements to control and trap me in their games. Other tactics also used in manipulation include charm, silent treatment, coercion, reason, regression, and debasement.”

Love bombing

• “Someone showered me with affection, gifts, support, and compliments, making me feel ‘indebted’ to them and making it easier for them to control my emotions and decisions."

Emotional degradation

• "I experienced someone trying to put me in my ‘rightful place’ because of my SOGIESC, or being emotionally belittled. I was demeaned and made to feel small or inferior to the perpetrator who aims to maintain their power and control over me."

Confinement

“My family fears that my SOGIESC is a disgrace to my family, hence, I am being confined in my room or our house."

• “My mother keeps me from going outside because she found out that I am a queer”

• “My father and older sibling locks me inside the room whenever they have guests because they fear that the my queerness will ‘spread’”

• “My partner locked me inside our house to teach me “lessons” of obedience”

Reverse guilt

Being manipulated into feeling responsible for the perpetrator’s well-being, often leading to making decisions that negatively impact own financial independence

• “Kawawa naman ang [perpetrator]. Huwag mo nang ituloy ang pagrereklamo dahil may binubuhay pa siyang anak.”

• “Iurong mo na ang kaso laban sa akin. Asawa mo pa rin ako, at ako ang nagbibigay ng kailangan mo. Alalahanin mo ang mga pinagsamahan natin.”

Social Isolation

“I have encountered people who want me to keep my situation a secret and avoid reaching out or being with my family, friends and others.”

• "My partner wants me to postpone or cancel plans of meeting with my family, friends, clients, co-workers and other people except them."

• "I am urged to avoid mingling with other people in fear of the perpetrator."

• "I realized that I no longer have connections with my friends and family, hence, making confiding and/or seeking help difficult."

Parental isolation

This involves limiting someone’s communication, visitation, access and the like to control the situation in the other parent’s favor. This is often done by perpetrators to sever the relationship of the victim-survivor and their children (Rowlands et al., 2023).

• "My partner/ex-partner speaks badly about me in front of my children to manipulate them into believing the isolation is justified.”

• "Keeping the kids away from me to control my actions"

• "I am not allowed to communicate with their children, both physically and electronically."

• Limiting the access of the other parent to their children, making them spend significantly lesser time than necessary and turning the tides in favor of the perpetrator

Coercive Control

"The decision, relationships, and my overall life is being controlled– subtly or explicitly– by another person. I am constantly monitored of who I am with, where I am, what I do and how I make decisions in life."

• "Bakit ang ikli ng damit mo? ‘Di ba, sabi ko sa iyo, huwag mo nang susuotin ‘yan kung gusto mong hindi tayo mag-away."

• "Siya na naman kasama mo? ‘Di ba bakla ‘yan? Gusto mo na ring maging kagaya niya?"

Parental alienation

"I am being left behind by parents or parental figures because of my SOGIE."

• "Huwag ka ng sumama sa reunion, nakakahiya baka may masabi ang mga kamag-anak natin."

Punishment through Withholding of Basic Needs

Abuse does not only pertain to bruises painting one’s skin, blood staining shirts, and bones cracking. One might think that abuse only happens when one raises a fist against another or when something is directly done toward someone else. However, gender-based violence could also be defined as the act of denying someone of their basic needs. Not allowing people to have access to their basic needs or barely providing for their necessities because of their SOGIE is an example of abuse.

• Food

• Shelter

• Neglecting children’s personal care

Stalking

• "Following me wherever I go despite my desire to not be followed"

• "Keeping tabs about me, and knows my dislikes and likes without disclosing these to them or to the public"

• "Sending me unwanted gifts"

• "Repeatedly sending me text messages and chats"

• "Repeatedly calling my number"

• "Spying on me both physically and virtually"

Defamatory claims or statements

"I have had someone making false statements against me or against someone to harm my feelings and reputation"

• "Someone developed and spread a fake narrative about my SOGIE to tarnish my name"

• "Someone made a false GBV accusation against me"

• "Someone published slanderous materials online or in paper about me"

Outing

"A person I know/not know disclosed my SOGIESC without my consent to my family, friends, employers/colleagues/employees."

Ridicule and Humiliation

"I was mocked or given sarcastic remarks to make fun of me and belittle me over my SOGIE."

• "Bakit hindi mo aminin sa harap ng mga tao rito na ginusto mo rin naman ang nangyari?"

• I have been made the center and topic of disinformation and gossip

• Someone was so passive-aggressive with me after knowing/assuming my SOGIE

Conversion therapy

This is also known as "reparative" therapy.

• "My parents / guardians / religious or academic leader made me go through 'therapy' to be "cured" from being a queer individual or to revert me back to the gender, orientation, identity and preferences that correspond to my sex."

To read and understand more about these acts of gender-based violence, you may access this:

GBV Prevention & Response Materials