Am I experiencing Verbal GBV?

Have you ever heard, received or taken part of making jokes or comments where words like, “bakla”, “tomboy”, or “trans” are used as insults or jokes? Maybe you’ve also heard heads of unit or professors make gender-insensitive and hurtful remarks towards staff, colleagues, or students?

It’s crucial to understand that verbal gender-based violence (GBV) can come in many forms – through spoken words, written statements – SMS, chat, posts, academic papers, videos, photos or even memes.

Here are some examples to help you identify if you have been a victim or maybe unknowingly a perpetrator:

Derogatory names

• “I was called names– "bakla", "tomboy", "tibo", "sirena", "sissy", "tranny", "homos” – by other people whom I may or may not be close with who meant to offend or hurt me.”

Work and gender-related verbal violence

• “Kasalanan mo yan kung bakit di ka siniseryoso sa trabaho. Kung di ka sana pabebe at maarte, mas maayos ang trabaho mo.”

Blaming based on SOGIESC

• “Kasalanan mo iyan. Kung sanang hindi ka nagsuot ng ganyan kaikling damit, hindi mo mararanasan iyan (any GBV act).”

• “Kasalanan mo bakit wala pa tayong anak. Kung sanang hindi ka na nagtrabaho, edi mas makakapag-focus ka sa pag-aalaga sa sarili mo.”

Condescending remarks

• “All of you, women, are the same. You cannot keep your cool.”

• “You really are gay because you are so OA.”

Sexist remarks

• “Kalalaki mong tao, iyakin ka naman.”

• “Hayaan mo lang mambabae ‘yang asawa mo, lalaki ‘yan ‘e. Ang mahalaga, nagsusutento sa iyo at anak niyo.”

Benevolent sexism

• “Ang babae, dapat binabahay lang. Mga gawaing bahay lang dapat ginagawa niya, hindi ibang trabaho.”

• “Dapat pinoprotektahan ng mga lalaki ang mga babae.”

Degrading words

• “That’s so gay of you.”

• “Ganyan talaga lifestyle ng mga bakla” where ‘lifestyle’ here is pertaining to promiscuity, hyper-sexuality or “immoral” acts.

Name-calling

You are calling someone with pet names or teasing them in a way that hides misogyny.

• “Sweetie, buti na lang maganda ka, kasi kung talino lang ang labanan, medyo mahirap na

Insensitive remarks against GBV Survivor/Victim blaming

• “Bakit ka ba kasi nakipag-inuman, ‘e alam mo namang babae ka.”

• “Imposibleng hindi niya nakita ‘yung mga senyales na abusado asawa niya. Ang sabihin mo, ginusto niya ring pakasalan ‘yung partner niya.”

Homophobic and transphobic remarks

• “Sayang ka iho, pogi ka pa naman kaso bakla ka.”

• “Tomboy ka lang ngayon dahil wala pang dumarating na tamang lalaki para sa iyo.”

• “Nagpapa-muscle ka ng katawan para mag mukha kang lalaki pero bading ka naman.”

Verbal Bullying

• “Paano ka magkaka-boyfriend/girlfriend/asawa eh ang losyang mo.”

• “Nagka-anak ka lang, pinabayaan mo na ang sarili mo.”

Insensitive jokes

• “Baka mamaya kaya pala nagtatagal ‘yang jowa mo kasi binigyan mo ‘yang boylet mo ng sapatos, ha?”

• “Pare, ‘love you’ ka nang ‘love you’ sa akin, baka mamaya, gusto mo na pala ako. Kadiri, pare.”

Body shaming

This is rooted in societal expectations and standards of beauty

• “Uy! Parang tumaba ka ulit.”

• “Mukha ka nang may sakit sa sobrang payat mo.”

• “Hindi satisfying kasi ang liit niya.”

Someone shamed my appearance and even categorized me using the following:

• “Hipon” is the term given to someone whose body is attractive but with a face that is considered by others as “not beautiful”.

• “Lollipop” is used to describe a good-looking person but with a body that is deemed to be too thin.

• “Bulalo” is used to classify a person who is not physically attractive but holds great intellect.

• “Buko” is used to define someone who does not fit the societal standards for beauty and intelligence.

Filming of pranks

• Plot: A friend lets in a man who pretends to be sleeping beside the lesbian victim and would hysterically shout and would joke saying, “Akala ko ba babae lang gusto mo”.

Fake coming out

Someone I know made a fake coming out video as a prank/a joke.

• “I have something important to tell you all. This has been hard for me, but I’ve finally accepted who I am. I’m gay.” A few moments later... "Got you! You really believed it? Come on, it was just a joke!”

This trivializes the emotional and psychological challenges faced by individuals who genuinely go through the process of coming out.

Misuse of pronouns and deadnaming

• “She [despite identifying and living as a man] always wears clothes that are for men, that’s why she still does not have a boyfriend.”

• “Ano ba ‘yang they/them na ‘yan. Hindi ka naman marami para tawagin kong they/them nan ‘yan. Isa ka lang naman na babae/lalaki.”

Verbal manipulation

• “Gagawin mo ito kung talagang mahal mo ako”

• “You shouldn’t feel offended when I tell you what you need and not need to wear because I am only doing this out of concern.”

Accusatory remarks

• “Kung wala ka talagang tinatago, bigay mo sa ’kin password mo”

• “Siguro sinadya mong lasingin ‘yung tao para maka-score ka sa kanya.”

Verbal threats

• “Masasaktan ka sa akin kapag hindi mo ginawa ito [action that goes against your consent].”

• “Ikukulong kita sa kwarto kapag hindi mo pa tinigilan ‘yang kabaklaan mong ‘yan”

Backhanded compliments and criticisms

• “Huwag masyadong paandarin pagiging bakla mo. Ang sagwang tignan sa trabaho, na-di-distract mga katrabaho natin.”

• “You are so pretty! You don’t even look like you’re trans.”

Slanderous remarks

• “Sir, huwag kang masyadong malapit kay Sir [Name]. Baka mamaya ikaw na susunod niyang iuuwi para lang i-promote siya. Bakla pa naman ‘yan.”

• “The only reason she’s promoted is because she slept her way to the top.”

• "Sa tingin mo ba matatanggap ka ng lipunan? Dapat ka ngang mahiya sa pamilya natin, dahil binabastos mo ang pangalan ng pamilya natin!"

To read and understand more about these acts of gender-based violence, you may access this:

GBV Prevention & Response Materials